Since some lolitas act so ridiculous when it comes to body type and lolita (calling everyone that does not have bones sticking out fat) I want to make a post about how you can defend yourself to all the Pro Ana Propaganda around. As someone who is recovered from a 'diet' consisting out of small portions of fruit and vegetables, obsessive workouts, eating one box of chocolates in half an hour, vomiting after every meal and eating the whole day long (and gaining double the weight I had lost), I am happy that I feel quite good about the way I look now.
So here are my tips for feeling better about yourself when you get confronted with an anorexia promoting message:
1. Stop thinking about calories, stop weighing yourself, and try to ignore every trigger, for example a site about weight loss (even Proud2bme can be triggering because of the subject).
2. Do not think of your 'imperfections' as flaws, but rather room for improvement of your already great self!
Do not think you have to change out of self-hatred. This will only frustrate you. Rather, see yourself as perfect, no matter how much you weigh. After all, beauty, no matter your perception of it, is only skin deep, and you do not exist out of your appearance only. It is certainly not worth to be angry at yourself for. Remember, you wouldn't be mad at somebody else for the way they look!
3. Compare yourself with people from
Obese, instead of with fashion models or anorexics. If you really want to compare yourself with a really unrealistic body image, you can as well make it the other end of the spectrum that will set yourself in a more positive light. Aside from that, people from
Obese are working hard to get more healthy, which is inspiring, even though they have a whole team that supports them.
4. Even though you aren't counting calories anymore, try to eat as healthy as possible for you. Look on the site of Voedingscentrum (or
http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_eating_diet.htm ) for guidelines. Like, the common known ones: eating on planned times, eating a lot of fruit (this can also be fruit puree or something). And another cliché, you can exercise. Since going to the gym costs a lot of money, I like cycling, walking and doing wii sports instead, but if you've got the money, the gym is probably most effective , given that the people working there are nice and give you motivation and they offer things that are fun as well like zumba and aerobics. Remember the goal is not losing weight, even though it may be a nice side effect if you want to, but reducing the chance that you will fall back on extreme behaviour -either eating too little or too much.
5. If you can bear it without getting too extreme yourself, you can google for stories of anorexic people that did not have a happy end. For example, the story of Isabelle Caro, she recently died. Also, you read all the side effects like limbs turning blue, long hairs on legs, infertility and such. A great read is in my option the book 'Geen weg terug' by Pascalle Boerrigter. It tells the story of a friend of a girl that suffers from anorexia and the girl herself. It is a very sad and touching story, but above all it shows how much pain this illness causes to loved ones. Of course, if you are depressed, and probably suicidal, it can be the wrong kind of trigger as well. To be honest, I got mixed feelings from it, but it's still a must-read.
6. Listen to men. From my experience, men do not agree with the Pro Ana ideal at all! All the men I've spoken with like it when girls look somewhere in the middle between underweight and overweight, often even leaning more towards overweight. They were not saying this because they felt they 'had to', I showed them pictures from my anorexia period and they thought it was extremely ugly and unattractive. Of course, there are exceptions. I also read on a site that certain men prefer girls with anorexic postures, and others prefer women that are severely overweight. But the last category are mostly fetishists and even worse 'feeders', so when you meet a guy that only likes overweight women beware. Same probably with men that like anorexic women - both obse and anorexic women are more vulnerable and easier to 'control' so they will have a higher chance to attract the wrong guys.
7. If you're a Lolita, remember that Lolita clothes were made for petite Asian girls in the first place. Even if they might not be exceptionally thin, if they simply have a smaller build the Lolita clothes will fit them. Don't see Asian girls as the perfect mold and beauty standard for yourself if you are Western, it's as ridiculous as Asian girls breaking their legs to be taller!
Japanese brands make more and more options for "plussized" girls from other countries nowadays. Metamorphose and Innocent World come to mind, as well as Bodyline.
Do not let the pro ana messages get you (and beware of big and beautiful messages -promoting obese- as well; they are in minority but still). Have a nice day!
