Popular songs that I really love

Most of the time, I don't really like the songs that are played on the radio, but lately there were some exceptions:

1. Ilse de Lange - Winter of love

This song catched my attention when I first heard it, because the sound is so different from other Ilse de Lange songs and even other songs on the radio, and beautiful. At first I thought it was Within Tempation or something, but better.  I've never heard a song from Ilse de Lange where she sings in such a high voice. The lyrics are poetic:
This winter of love is falling on us 
Leaving our hearts in the cold and the darkness 
Lost in a frozen dance 
Is there still life buried under the ....? 
Is there an... of us left in the black sun? 
This winter of love! 
Yes, there is still a gap in the lyrics but I couldn't find the right ones on the internet. Nonetheless, I think it's a far better description than, for example, "seven year itch".

2. Usher - More

This song is already a bit old now, but I still play it a lot. Apart from the fact that this song is really catchy and   doesn't really get boring (at least to me), I misunderstood the lyrics. I don't know why I heard "I create the villain that keeps them coming back", since "I create the feeling that keeps them coming back" makes a hell lot of more sense in my opinion. Because of that I saw this song as some kind of philosophical song about the tension of having "fans" and dissappearing in the crowd. After all, there is something narcissistic about makin use of the knowledge that people will 'always' be coming back to you.There is also the line "I'm a beast I'm an animal I'm that monster in the mirror." Misunderstood lyrics or not, for me the song is about the conflict between being yourself and be considered "boring", yet available to others and the alter ego or "villain" that is worshipped but seems unavailable and distant.

Lol! You can probably tell that I wasn't completely sober when I wrote this, can you?

Lolita and body image

Since some lolitas act so ridiculous when it comes to body type and lolita (calling everyone that does not have bones sticking out fat) I want to make a post about how you can defend yourself to all the Pro Ana Propaganda around. As someone who is recovered from a 'diet' consisting out of small portions of fruit and vegetables, obsessive workouts, eating one box of chocolates in half an hour, vomiting after every meal and eating the whole day long (and gaining double the weight I had lost), I am happy that I feel quite good about the way I look now.
So here are my tips for feeling better about yourself when you get confronted with an anorexia promoting message:

1. Stop thinking about calories, stop weighing yourself, and try to ignore every trigger, for example a site about weight loss (even Proud2bme can be triggering because of the subject).

2. Do not think of your 'imperfections' as flaws, but rather room for improvement of your already great self!
Do not think you have to change out of self-hatred. This will only frustrate you. Rather, see yourself as perfect, no matter how much you weigh. After all, beauty, no matter your perception of it, is only skin deep, and you do not exist out of your appearance only. It is certainly not worth to be angry at yourself for. Remember, you wouldn't be mad at somebody else for the way they look!

3. Compare yourself with people from Obese, instead of with fashion models or anorexics. If you really want to compare yourself with a really unrealistic body image, you can as well make it the other end of the spectrum that will set yourself in a more positive light. Aside from that, people from Obese are working hard to get more healthy, which is inspiring, even though they have a whole team that supports them.

4. Even though you aren't counting calories anymore, try to eat as healthy as possible for you. Look on the site of Voedingscentrum (or  http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_eating_diet.htm ) for  guidelines. Like, the common known ones: eating on planned times, eating a lot of fruit (this can also be fruit puree or something). And another cliché, you can exercise. Since going to the gym costs a lot of money, I like cycling, walking and  doing wii sports instead, but if you've got the money, the gym is probably most effective , given that the people working there are nice and give you motivation and they offer things that are fun as well like zumba and aerobics. Remember the goal is not losing weight, even though it may be a nice side effect if you want to, but reducing the chance that you will fall back on extreme behaviour -either eating too little or too much.

5. If you can bear it without getting too extreme yourself, you can google for stories of anorexic people that did not have a happy end. For example, the story of Isabelle Caro, she recently died. Also, you read all the side effects like limbs turning blue, long hairs on legs, infertility and such. A great read is in my option the book 'Geen weg terug' by Pascalle Boerrigter. It tells the story of a friend of a girl that suffers from anorexia and the girl herself. It is a very sad and touching story, but above all it shows how much pain this illness causes to loved ones. Of course, if you are depressed, and probably suicidal, it can be the wrong kind of trigger as well. To be honest, I got mixed feelings from it, but it's still a must-read.

6. Listen to men. From my experience, men do not agree with the Pro Ana ideal at all! All the men I've spoken with like it when girls look somewhere in the middle between underweight and overweight, often even leaning more towards overweight. They were not saying this because they felt they 'had to', I showed them pictures from my anorexia period and they thought it was extremely ugly and unattractive. Of course, there are exceptions. I also read on a site that certain men prefer girls with anorexic postures, and others prefer women that are severely overweight. But the last category are mostly fetishists and even  worse 'feeders', so when you meet a guy that only likes overweight women beware. Same probably with men that like anorexic women - both obse and anorexic women are more vulnerable and easier to 'control' so they will have a higher chance to attract the wrong guys.

7. If you're a Lolita, remember that Lolita clothes were made for petite Asian girls in the first place. Even if they might not be exceptionally thin, if they simply have a smaller build the Lolita clothes will fit them. Don't see Asian girls as the perfect mold and beauty standard for yourself if you are Western, it's as ridiculous as Asian girls breaking their legs to be taller!   Japanese brands make more and more options for "plussized" girls from other countries nowadays. Metamorphose and Innocent World come to mind, as well as Bodyline.

Do not let the pro ana messages get you (and beware of big and beautiful messages -promoting obese- as well; they are in minority but still). Have a nice day!

Black & White

These lovelies arrived a week ago!
I was waiting on my enquête (for my thesis) test result to show up so I figured I could as well make a blog post about my dolls in the meantime.
I bought they from Li's poppenimport (www.poppenimport.nl) They are no "real" bjd's, and because they are of less quality and cannot sit or stand on their own, they were 2,50 at Li's poppenimport. My heart melted when I saw it,I thought "I NEED to have those" especially when Suzan Li mailed me that it was freev shipping. But when I saw the box I realized that the shipping was more than the cost of the dolls itself! Suzan had made a fault, and she included a message that she had send it with loss! I really appreciated that but I felt a little bad so I ended up transfering some more money. After all, even for a little extra money the dolls are still worth it in my opinion.
Dolls like this are probably looked down upon by real BJD collectors but I couldn't care less.
Now I have three dolls, because I also have a mini Pullip! But sadly I can't find her anywhere right now.

At first, I wanted to call my dolls 'Rosi' and 'Fleur'. but then I gave them nicknames: Black &White. I preferred them.
When I have fabric samples and time I will make a lovely Angelic Pretty dress for White.
Black will get more 'tough' clothes, maybe I will look for them at Dolliverse.
When I practised putting eyeliner on Black (and failing miserably) she was annoyed, and also because she is doomed to be the bad girl! She was not happy with that!
So when I tried to move her eyes a little this happened:

At first I felt sad! But then I found it really suits Black ^-^ now I just love her creepy/derpy eyes!

This entry is specially directed at brainless people

There are a lot of things I am angry about...One of them, which might be fitting for this blog, is the hate towards people that are a bigger size than 'average' (and while average is neither thin nor big, it tends to lean towards stick thin a bit more every day).

A big  fear of mine is gaining weight. But I realize that this is a direct consequence of this rotten society.
I can not understand why everyone acts so mean towards bigger people, even in the Lolita community. As a person that used to have anorexia, bulimia and binge eating, and is now recovered, I can only say how much I can imagine it might hurt.  To every miserable excuse for a Lolita that making mean secrets about 'fatty chans', here are reasons why most of the time, your bullshit argument that they 'just have to lose weight' is not that simple:

- They can have thyroid problems.
- They can have medicines that make them gain weight
- They can have psychological problems more severe than you could ever imagine, which makes them eat
away their sorrow
- They can have a slow metabolism
- They sure as hell are not going to lose weight because you say so - who the fuck do you think you are that you might be so important that strangers follow every advice you give?

Can't understand this? Then you are a DUMBASS!

And before you come with another hypocritical argument supposed to camouflage your true intentions,like "Being overweight is unhealthy!" , I just have to say...it is not your fucking business if others are unhealthy if they are happy. And if they aren't, you are no psychologist yourself so shut the hell up! And if you are, you are a very bad one if you insult people like that.

*That was a relief*

New trend? Doll stockings

I was browsing through the Gothic & Lolita bible no. 42 when I stumbled across this picture:

I was really surprised! "Do I see this right?" was my first thought. So I googled "doll stockings" and came accross more information about these tights. They are called "Kyutai Kansetsu Sutokkingu" or "Spherical joint stockings" and they are made, of course, in Japan. They used to be sold at this store, but unfortunately, they are now all sold out. That might not be such a big deal though, since they probably would be too short. If you want, you can paint normal stockings  yourself. Here is some inspiration from the original Spherical joint stockings:

The line in the middle looks kind of weird though?

Maybe I will try to make them myself once ^_^ Some find them creepy, but I find it awesome. It is guaranteed to make people look at you in confusion, haha!

Things I love & hate about Lolita fashion

         10 things I love about Lolita  fashion:

✩ 1. It's just soo cute
✩ 2. It's elegant
✩ 3. I feel like a doll in it
✩ 4. It brings me in contact with people I would not have met otherwise
✩ 5. It is a way to relax and spend my free time
✩ 6. It is kind of mysterious
✩ 7. That my family likes it
✩ 8 That I sometimes get positive comments about it
✩ 9. It brings me in contact with another culture
✩ 10. That it makes life less boring

10 things I hate about Lolita fashion

✭ 1. The strict rules
✭ 2. The gossip and people that say mean things about others
✭ 3. That it makes you stand out
✭ 4. That it isn't work/study-appropriate
✭ 5. The obsession with brands
✭ 6. The childish attitude some people have ('I feel like a princess and I wait untill my prince comes to save me' etc)
✭ 7. The obsession with weight that some seem to have
✭ 8. The costs
✭ 9. The deco-Lolita, creepy-cute and fairy Lolita substyles - I do not find them elegant
✭ 10. Lolitas that try to get "e-famous" by posting photos of their awesome coordinates all over the net, just get a life!

My Lolita Bubble

I decided to give in to the '30 day Lolita challenge', but I will only copy some ideas and I can't promise I will finish the whole meme thing. Apparently, it comes from The Random Lolita Blog. I like the idea. It isn't very original since around 7744524677 people interested in Lolita fashion have done this already, but oh well.

'Ten things about your Lolita bubble':

1# I do not like ageing. For me, my life gets more miserable with each birthday that passes. Most people might argue that with this mindset, Lolita fashion might be a kind of escapism. But actually Lolita fashion helps me overcome this fear. I will not dress in Lolita clothes my whole life, but right now it helps me feel good because when I do the things I love now, I will not regret anything later. Even though I am very good at forgetting my responsibilities, and I do not have much knowledge about life, I acknowledge that these are my negative personality traits and this is not how I want to stay.

This girl from the Antm Japan episode is sooo cute!! Everytime I see her in the movie I think `AWW !!`

2#  When I am watching videos on Youtube like Australia's next top model in Japan and a model gets dressed in Lolita (for example), nothing else matters to me except for drinking tea in cute doll-like cups. Clearly, this is a form of escapism and I try to limit myself daydreaming like this. Of course, in the real world, there are others things as well -from the usual daily life things like studying and cooking to war in other sides of the world.

3# I love meetups. Thats because I love sharing interest in the 'Japanese fashion dream' and yet it is a way to engage in real life and meeting other girls (and occasionally boys, I think brolitas are so cool). Meeting other people is a great way to keep yourself from isolating and 'living in a bubble'. I tend to do this from time to time, but it depresses me. I have a form of social anxiety though, so thats why it takes me a while to absorb the impressions of meetups and experience a new one. Let alone that I feel comfortable setting up one myself, but still I have a plan to do this!

4# The Lolita lifestyle isn't for me. I like to wear other fashions as well and like I stated before, I prefer not to daydream so much. Living in the Rococo area and being part of some wealthy family, like Momoko imagined in Kamikaze girls, and doing nothing but frivolous, pleasureable things like a walk in the park, drinking tea or making love, sounds really good to me at first, but makes me feel really empty inside. I do not find the 'Lolita lifestyle' appealing. I'd rather live the lifestyle of Ichigo in the clothes of Momoko (apart from the fact that I can't drive a motorcycle, I am already scared of driving cars).

5#I feel out of place in a way because I really need to be less lazy, get more ambition  and more working experience. That's why I like Momoko's sentence "I am not suitable for working". I am not suitable for working as well, because my parents spoiled me a bit I think because I never had to do much tasks at home..But I will not give up trying to become more suitable. Getting and *keeping* a job is my dream.

6# While my parents aren't that crazy that they give me brand dresses every month (fortunately not otherwise I would be even more of a spoiled brat than I am now!), they support me with Lolita fashion, for example they gave me a Lolita present for Christmas and my mother offers help with sewing. I feel really lucky.

7# I'd love to be able to go to Japan once in my life. I also would love to learn Japanese (which is kind of essential, but learning languages is also a hobby of mine). I will not only be visiting Lolita shops,and get to know the context of the fashion, how people look at it, how it emerged etc. I will also try to learn about the culture. I do not idealize Japan though, I see the negative sides as well and besides Japan, there are a lot of other countries I'd love to visit. But that will be a future plan really, when I have a fulltime job so I can set money aside for vacation. Right now, I am already busy with absorbing impressions in my home country. There are still so many places in the Netherlands I haven't visited. I really love my country and unlike the general opinion, I think it has enough beautiful nature.

8# I am an only child, unfortunately. But this also means that I do not have siblings who can comment on my style of fashion! There is a guy though, that almost feels like a brother because I have known him my whole life. We used to play a lot when we were children, and while we were out of contact for a while I have known him again from the day I turned eighteen. He does not have an opinion about Lolita fashion, I try not to bother him with it haha. He probably could not care less since he is very different from me. He spends more time studying than thinking about his clothes, which is something I am kind of envious about.

9# I love kawaii things like plushies, and when you see my room, you would think it belongs to a girl of about fourteen - at least, when you haven't noticed the strange combination of health insurance bills and study books with plushies and furbies. I haven't created intentionally a "lolita room" though and even though I love looking at pictures of Lolita rooms with doll-like furniture and such, I think it's a bit much for me XD.

10# I hate really insulting Lolita secrets. But I also like reading them. Why? Because I'd like to believe that there is nothing else in the world to worry about than brand vs. replicas.

Well, that was day 1. I hope I haven't bored anybody that much.Luckily, I don't think I have, since I have no followers XD

This blog

Hello , dear possible future readers,

At first, I'm sorry if I make any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language. I live in the Netherlands. I use this blog to practise my English. 
For a long time, I was hesitating if I should create this blog. I was thinking : "There are so many weblogs already. Who would be interested in another one?". I found blogging a bit useless, unless it's about politics or something. And I do not understand a rats ass about politics . I should read more -_'- I have a lot of books that I have to read. About history, about politics, about technical stuff.. I have only read the first two pages of most books. And then I forgot about them, making up excuses. Even if I finished all though - I probably need several years, I'm a hoarder - I will not be writing about politics here. I am, unfortunately, the most opinionless person you will ever come across!. 

What will I be writing about, then ? The subjects most girls write about. I say "girls", because "young women" just doesn't sound very normal to me, more like something an elderly lady would write. Even though I am 22, turning 23 this year, and thus not really a 'girl' anymore.
Anyway, most girls write about fashion, their lives, fashion trends in Japan, and thats about it. I will be writing about exactly the same things. Isn't that a bit useless, you might ask. I thought that myself, untill I realized that I like fashion and writing, and that I love some other blogs (for example, Velvetbats blog 'Bats and Bunnies' - the most interesting fashion blog in my opinion) and I realized that fashion blogs do not have to be useless, it's what you make of it yourself. Besides, so what if it's useless or nobody reads it? I have had fun creating this blog ^^

Sincerely, Rebecca